Keep the heart beating
by Raulsche
Summary: When the first bullet hit my chest, I thought of my daughter. A story about Logan fighting for his wife's and daughter's life after a tragic event. Rogan/Sophies
1. My daughter

**AN:** I haven't published anything in years and I don't know really why. I still wrote, but it never was something I really liked. But when I got the idea for this fic, I couldn't stop writing. The idea itself came from a book I re-read, _No second chance_. The first chapter is a bit similar to the one from the book, but I also added a few things, because my story will take another turn. So, for those who know the book, don't worry—the first chapter will be the only part that will be similar to the book. In my opinion, my English grammar sucks sometimes (I'm from Germany) so If someone would like to beta for me, it would be nice if you could write me.

**Disclaimer**: I sadly do not own Gilmore Girls or any of its characters—except for Lena. If I did, the last season would have ended in a proper way.

When the first bullet hit my chest, I thought of my daughter.  
At least, that's what I want to believe. I lost consciousness pretty quickly, and, if you want to get technical about it, I don't even remember getting shot—or how, for that matter. I know that I lost way too much blood and I know that a second bullet skimmed the top of my head—though, I was probably already out by then.

I also know that my heart stopped beating. Still, I like to think that as I lay dying, I thought of Lena

FYI: I saw no bright light or tunnel, and if I did, I don't remember that, either.

Lena, my daughter, was just six months old, lying in her crib when it happened. I wonder if the gunfire frightened her. It must have. She probably began to cry. I wonder if the familiar—albeit, grating—sound of her cries somehow sliced through my haze, if on some level I actually heard her. But again, I have no memory of it.

What I do remember, however, was the moment Lena was born.. It was something you never forget. I remembered the head appearing. I was the first one to see our daughter.

My wife and I have had our ups and downs over the years that we had been together—I'm not going to lie about it—and there had been several times where I had feared that we wouldn't find our way back to each other, but, somehow, we always did.

I had to admit that most of it was my fault. At some point, I took her for granted, not realizing that I still had to work on our relationship, that she wouldn't be there forever if I didn't show her how much she meant to me. No one, including our families and friends, thought we would make it as far as we did. Somehow, we proved them wrong. I know it sounds cliché, but I thought we belonged together.

But when your own child is born, you instantly realize that everything was worth it—the yelling, the fights, the mistakes we made—when you hold your baby for the first time in your arms.

Fatherhood is still confusing me. After such a short amount of time, I'm still an amateur. But I'm willing to learn. You should know that I didn't learn or know how to be a good father—my own father didn't really set a good example and when I think about it now, I can't remember just one time my father took me to a baseball game or went with me to the park. It just wasn't in it for me.

As a child, I was not bitter about it—I didn't know better. I always believed him when he told me that he would do something with me the next day, what else was I supposed to do?

I was just a child. He bought me gifts almost on a daily basis, maybe that his way of making up for the non-existent, father-son relationship we had.

I was scared that I would turn out to be like my dad was with we with Lena—that was my biggest concern when my wife had told me that she was pregnant. I had been happy, but also very scared. However, she always knew how to react to my insecurities, she had known I would be different, and of course she had been right.

Sure, I'm not the perfect dad. I still make mistakes, but I'm working hard on it. My family always comes first, something my own father had never been able to do.

But when I got seriously lost or afraid in the realm of raising a child, and my wife was not nearby, I would look at the helpless bundle in the crib and she'd look up at me, making me wonder what I would not do to protect her. I would take my life in a second. And truth be told, if push came to shove, I would take yours too.

So I like to think that as the two bullets pierced my body, as I collapsed onto our kitchen floor with a half-eaten pop-tart in my hand, as I lay immobile in a spreading puddle of my own blood, and yes, even as my heart stopped beating, that I still tried to do something to protect my daughter.

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	2. It's going to be okay

**AN: **Sorry for the wait but I still had finals and a trip to dentist didn't end up that well either.

Thanks for the reviews and to my new beta!

**Disclaimer**_: _I sadly do not own Gilmore Girls or any of its characters—except for Lena. If I did, the last season would have ended in a proper way.

______

_Fourteen months earlier…_

"Tell me not to go," he said abruptly.

She looked at him surprised trying to figure out if she just heard him right. "What?" she stuttered.

"Tell me not to get on that plane. Tell me to blow off my father, the paper, the whole Huntzberger destiny. Just tell me I can figure something else out. Just tell me not to go."

There was something in his voice that made it feel to her like he was even begging her to ask him stay. To give him a reason to say, for once,'no,' to his father and his entire family.

The selfish part of her didn't need to think of it, the part thatwanted to say the words Logan wanted to hear, but she just couldn't. She was at a loss of words. Being speechless was not a common thing in the Gilmore Girls' world, so she had a problem digesting her new catatonic state. Immediately, thousands of thoughts were running through her head—pros and cons. And all the while, she could feel Logan's gaze on her.

She knew that she wanted him to stay with her, she loved him. Logan Huntzberger had been the first guy she had hoped to have a future with, something she had never thought of with Dean and Jess—definitely not with Dean the second time around.

He was the guy she had loathed from their first meeting—the former, playboy extraordinare had swept her off her feet and had actually become a perfect boyfriend. Of course, there had been a lots of ups and downs—the downs hurting her deeply—but still, they were together, sitting on his couch the night before he had to leave, stronger than ever.

But was she in the position to decide his future and ask him to stay?

She had no idea.

She had to admit that there were several good reasons for her to give him what he wanted. For example, that she had no clue how she could live for months without him—just hearing his voice on the phone. Another factor included trust. She didn't really think that this was still an issue between them, but she also didn't know if him being on the other site of the world would modify their behavior—if being on opposite parts of the globe would instill doubts inside their minds.

But when she thought about it, the _tiniest_ reason for her to ask him to stay was the biggest in her book.

It had been the reason for her breakdown in the bathroom two nights ago while Logan had been asleep—the secret that she kept from him, not knowing what she should say.

Now, looking into his pleading eyes, waiting for her to say something, she thought about the tiny, white stick—the one that she had hid in her underwear drawer—that had changed her life the moment she had laid eyes on it.

He had the right to know, she knew that.

It just wasn't great timing.

Then there was the other side. The side that agreed with his father—yes you heard correctly.

Even if she would never admitted it, she agreed with the 'mighty,' Mitchum Huntzberger.

"_I'm sending Logan away for one reason, because it is time. It is time for him to stop jumping out of planes in a gorilla mask and crashing boats and getting plastered every night and ending up in the hospital. It's time for him to stop being a child and to start being a man. It's time for him to start focusing on his future, and the only way he is going to do that is to get him out of his environment and away from those dopes, Colin and Finn and 'The Life and Death Brigade' and get him on a path. Logan is talented, he's talented. He's my son. I want him to achieve something. And he needs a push. It's what my father did with me. He pushed me, I grew up, and now, Logan is gonna grow up. Anything here you're not agreeing with? I didn't think so"_

Of course she had no idea why he had to 'start being a man' on a different continent, but there was some truth in his words. Although, she didn't really agree with the fact that Colin and Finn were the bad guys.

And Logan had already grown up.

His father just wasn't able to see it, maybe because he didn't care enough or because he just saw the heir in Logan and not the son.

He had grown up, he had changed so much—especially in the last few months.

Logan had said a while ago that the accident had changed him, that life should be more than fun and risking life, and that he didn't want to leave her again for good just because he had to do another reckless stunt.

He had said that there were more important things in life than parties, drinking, and things he could get arrested for.

He had said that the second night after he had woken up in the hospital.

And although Logan and Rory had always talked about their thoughts and feelings since they had been together, she couldn't compare any other time to that night.

His words had been so sincere, his voice so soft when he had promised her he'd change, to be better for her, to make them work, because she was the most important thing in his life.

That had been eight weeks ago, and he had indeed changed a bit, but still she knew better. She would have never fallen in love with just the guy she met almost two years ago in front of her dorm. The guy that had insulted her friend Marty and had talked like he owned everything.

She had fallen in love with the troubled kid, who was so much more than you could see from the first moment on.

If he knew that you cared for _him_—not for his name—he could be your best friend.

He could listen to you, comfort you in any way possible, but most of all, he was just there for you. He had been there for her several times, especially when she had dropped out of Yale and had stopped talking to her mom.

He hadn't pushed her into one direction, even if she knew that he thought what she was doing was wrong. He had given her time to realize her mistakes on her own and was there for her—whenever she needed someone to talk.

But still, was she really in the position to make this life changing decision?

She doubted it.

"I…I can't do this, Logan," she whispered, avoiding his gaze. She didn't want to see how his hope vanished from his face.

_You have to tell him. _

Rory shook her head lightly. She didn't want _this_ to be the reason he stayed, because it was his responsibility as soon-to-be-daddy.

It wouldn't look that way for her or him—maybe not even for her family and their friends—but it could look that way to his family.

She could almost hear his mother say, "_I always knew she was a Gold-digger, didn__'__t I, Mitchum?__"_

And although she didn't like them and avoided them as much as possible, deep down, she still wanted them to improve of her. She wanted them to accept her in their son's life. She had clearly proved that with her reactions after the 'dinner from hell' and the yacht incident.

"Ace," he called to her after a short amount of time. She looked at him, desperately fighting against the tears building in her eyes. "It's okay." She shook her head. "Come here!" Logan pulled his girlfriend into his arms and kissed the top of her head, lightly.

"I love you, Logan." she told him, leaning on his shoulder, closing her eyes, trying to forget everything around them.

"I love you too, Ace."


	3. Darkness

**AN:** Sorry for the long wait guys. I had my reasons and some excuses but I don't want to bore you with them. I hope you like the chapter and the turn the story takes from now on.

Thanks again to my great beta!

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own anything

* * *

Bored, Rory took her book from her nightstand. Being at home—well, her childhood home—used to make a her happy, alive. It had always been that way, but this time she just couldn't bring herself to leave the house to go to Luke's or to visit Lane.

And since Michel was still on vacation in France, it wasn't like her mom had much free time for her, either. She knew it wasn't her mom's fault, she knew she shouldn't have expected her mom's World to completely shutdown just because she needed some comfort.

And it wasn't like her mother hadn't been there for her at all. The day after Logan had gone to London and Rory had arrived in Stars Hollow, Lorelai had let her wallow in every possible way—with lots of ice-cream and movies involved. However, Lorelai became suspicious after Rory declined two coffees in a row and she forced the truth out of her. Rory told her with tear-filled eyes about her discovery a few days earlier, her talk with Mitchum in the elevator, and about Logan asking her to ask him to stay.

Lorelai had tried to comfort her as best as she could . If she was disappointed about her only daughter being pregnant, she was very good at hiding it.

They had talked all night and Lorelai tried to talk her into calling Logan as soon as possible—he not only had he the right to know, but Lorelai also had a feeling that it would make Rory feel better.

But Rory, stubborn as ever, had disagreed and told her she wasn't ready to tell him, yet, and the two hadn't discusted the matter further since. She felt that it bugged her mother that she avoided the topic, but she didn't want to worry about it, yet. She thought about doing it constantly—making the aformentioned call—but had no idea how to execute it. She hadn't been strong enough to tell him when he was still with her, she had no idea how to talk to him, now…on the phone....

Rory sighed and put the book away again. How could she concentrate with so much on her mind?

Six months, she thought, six months untill Christmas. Six months untill she would see Logan again. By then, she would almost be as fat as an elephant. She knew that she couldn't just show up in London and let her big belly tell him what she couldn't.

And even if he would be happy about the newest development, she didn't take him as a guy that would like to stick around after being lied to for months.

Still deep in thought, she looked at the rocket Logan gave her, 'the most romantic gift' she had ever received.

True love.

She smiled. No matter what happened in the future, this rocket would remind her how important they were to each other. That this was something special, that they were both in for the long run—serious and maybe meant to last a lifetime.

She remembered the phone call the night when she found out about the meaning of the rocket, how she had wanted to spend the summer with him—already checking flights to London on the internet. She remembered the pit that had formed in the bottom of her stomach when Logan had told her about the plane tickets he had bought for Christmas. And although she had a problem admitting it, she could understand why he had made the plans for Christmas instead of right away—for the next couple of months, his work load would be especially high and he wouldn't have much time to spend with her.

But even though she understood, it didn't mean that she couldn't be disappointed… or angry about it. She had ignored his phone calls the other day. Her immature activity had made her feel immediately guilty and embarrassed about how childish she had acted. Now, in hindsight, she had a hunch that her out-of-character activity had something to do with her pregnancy.

"Daydreaming about me, Ace?" Shocked Rory jumped off her bed. There he was, leaning on her doorframe like it was completely normal for him to be standing there..

"Oh my God," she gasped, still not able to understand that Logan was really there—in Stars Hollow, at her house, just a few feet away from her.

"Missed me?" he asked smirking. Instead of an answer, Rory jumped right into his arms. Happy, Logan pulled her closer, a smile still on his lips.

"I can't believe it! Oh my…why are you here? I mean what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in London?" Letting her go, all he could do was smirk at her antics. Oh how he had missed her. He opened his mouth to respond to her but gave up on that idea immediately. He knew better than to stop a Gilmore Girl rant.

"Does Mitchum know? I mean are you going to be in trouble for being here? I don't want…" She stopped her rant and frowned as she recognized her smiling boyfriend starring at her. "What?"

"I love you, Ace," Logan told her, kissing her lightly on the lips.

"I love you, too….and now tell me. What are you doing here?"

Logan rolled his eyes, but after a moment, he sighed and his expression became serious. "Your Mom called," he admitted to her.

"What?"

"Yeah, yesterday."

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes. "She had no right to call you!"

Logan shrugged. "She seemed worried."

"But that doesn't mean she can tell you to come over. You're not living exactly in the neighborhood right now."

"If it concerns you, it doesn't matter where I am—you always come first," her murmured.

She avoided his gaze, all of the sudden finding her feet really interesting. "What did she say?"

"Nothing specific," he took her hand, "Rory?" Surprised by him calling her by her name she looked up again. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing."

"That's not true. Although your mom didn't say that much, I don't take her as an over-concerned mother who calls the boyfriend out of the blue for nothing—especially at three in the morning."

"My mother shouldn't have said anything."

"You know that you said the exact same thing the last time I had an interesting phone call with Lorelai. And we all know how that turned out." He frowned again. "It has nothing to do with my dad, has it?" Rory nodded her head. A bit relieved, he took her arm and they both sat down on her bed. "I suspected that something was wrong a couple of weeks ago. First, I thought you were still trying to digest me being in London, but it didn't go away. I wanted to ask you about it, but I had no idea how, it's so hard on the phone call, just hearing your voice, I wasn't sure. Maybe I was just scared about the reason, why there was some sadness in your voice. I feared you had doubts about us and…"

"Logan, no!" Shocked she starred at him. Not once had she doubted if they could make the long distance relationship work.

"Please let me finish." When Rory nodded he continued. "Then your mother called and I knew that there was something else. Like I told you before, she didn't say anything specific, just that there was something that was bothering you and that she thought I was the only person that could help you. She had tried, but she wasn't the right person. She suggested that I come over as soon as work would allow it." Logan smiled. "I booked a flight the moment the line went dead."

Rory let his words sink in and closed her eyes for a moment, she knew that she had to tell him—now or never.

She opened her eyes again, biting her upper lip. "I was scared," she admitted to him, letting a tear escape.

"Tell me…please."

"I…I…" She shook her head.

"Whatever it is, I'm not going anywhere," he assured her, trying to comfort Rory with holding her hand.

Looking into his eyes, she laid her free hand on her stomach. "I'm.. I'm pregnant," she whispered, her voice breaking.

* * *

When I awoke, everything around me was dark. No voices, no cars on the streets were to be heard, just an annoying beeping sound coming from the left.

I tried to sit up, but gave up on it immediately. I felt like my whole body was in pain. I took a deep breath, still not being able to digest to the situation I was in.

I had no idea where I was now nor did I know what happened. There was something sticking on my forehead and when I touched it, it felt like there was some sort of bandage around my head.

Was I in the hospital? And if it was so, why was I in the hospital?

I tried not to panic about the current state I was in and closed my eyes. It shouldn't be too hard to remember the past events. I tried to think about the last thing I remembered, but everything seemed so blurry and covered in black. I vaguely remembered walking into the kitchen, wearing a suit, getting ready for getting to work. I was standing on the counter, drinking a coffee when I heard a person calling after me. The voice sounded familiar, but right now, I had no idea who it belonged to.

I tried harder to concentrate and with every second, the voice in my head got clearer and clearer. Then, all of the sudden, it was like someone had taken the blindfold from my eyes that I didn't know I had on in the first place. Not only did I know now to whom the voice belonged to, but I could see her right in front me.

"_I thought your meeting didn't start until ten?" Rory asked, taking the cup out of his hands and drinking the elixir of life with a smile on her lips._

"_Yeah, but I thought that Channing, Peter, and I could get together early to discuss everything again. It's a really important deal," he explained, not bothered by the fact that his fiancée had stolen his coffee._

"_A pre-breakfast breakfast thing, huh?" She smirked._

"_Nothing wrong with being prepared," he said while making himself a new cup of coffee._

"_Logan, you haven't been home before eleven the last couple of nights. You've had several meetings with Channing and Peter. Believe me you are prepared."_

"_I just want to be sure…"_

"_Work dork," she murmured._

"_Did you just call me a 'work dork?'"_

_Rory smiled. "Admit it," she said, "just admit that you are work dork!"_

"_I'll admit that I'm a work dork, if you admit that you love that I'm a work dork."_

_She bit her lip, trying hard not to smile, but she had a hard time doing so. "Done!" She gave up and kissed him on the lips. "Work dork!"_

"_Work dork lover!" he answered automatically, grapping a pop-tart and his bag before walking out the door Logan looked once back at her, seeing her still looking at him with a happy smile._

The smile on her face, her blue eyes, the feeling of her lips on mine was the last thing he remembered. My heart started to beat rapidly—Rory.

I tried not to panic again, tried to convince myself that being in the hospital had nothing to do with my favorite girls.

Maybe the attack had just been about me. Maybe Rory had been able to hide herself and Lena somewhere and now they were just waiting for me to get better.

So many possibilities, but the odd feeling stayed—that something bad had happened, not just to me but also to my Ace.

And with that thought, the image of Rory smiling happily at me faded slowly to black until she disappeared completely into the darkness.

* * *

That's it for now, next update should be up soon....


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